Monday, September 24, 2007

One Year: Sept. 22nd to Sept. 22nd - Part 4 (Pregnancy & Ultra sounds)

I loved being pregnant. I will do it again two more times if I can talk G into it. I was just a little sick in the beginning but it never slowed me down one bit. Since I became pregnant seeing an RE, I stayed seeing them through 12 weeks (the first trimester).

They did lots of ultra sounds to make sure everything was going as it should. Here are my first 3 u/s. The picture on the left is at 4weeks4days; in the center of that pic is the gestational sac, the only thing you can see that early. In the middle picture I was 5w4days (one week after the first u/s); the large dark bean shape is the gestation sac and the bottom white bean looking thing is Hugh. In the last picture I was 6w2d and we saw the heart beat for the first time. You can see Hugh and the yolk sac contained within the gestation sac.
The next u/s picture was from 10w0d. I cried when I first saw it. Hugh finally got arms and legs and was jumping around in there (even though I could not feel it, it was amazing to watch).

I think that this was the point that I finally felt it was real, that I had a baby inside me. All the thoughts and emotions were so overwhelming when they really hit. I think I was in shock for a good two weeks at this point.

We decided at this point to not find out the sex of the baby. I look back and I don't regret this decision at all but I will find out with the next ones.

The next time I had an u/s was at 19w3d. It was not scheduled at all. I woke up in pain one morning but I decided I would go to work anyway. By the time I was 5 minutes from work I could hardley see to drive I hurt so much. I made it to work and had someone drive me to the hospital. I called G while I was on my way and had him meet me there. After lots of tests and an IV, it turns out I had kidney stones. It took me a week to pass them and they hurt in a way that is even hard to describe, but I did get to see Hugh again. It appears that he is sucking his thumb in the picture.

My next scheduled u/s was only a week and a half after this one. I got a great 3D pic of Hugh from that visit. As it turned out it was the only 3D u/s picture we were able to get the rest of the pregnancy. Hugh never wanted to cooperate again, we did try for another shot several times though.
Near the end of the pregnancy I had an u/s done every week to check on Hugh's size. This was done because I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. By this time, Hugh was too big to really get a good u/s picture so my journey with u/s pictures ends here.

Friday, September 21, 2007

One Year: September 22 to September 22 - Part 3

...September 3, 06

We decided (after much debate) to do the clomid cycle. I got the go ahead from the RE's office after a date with the dildo cam and some blood work. I went to the pharmacy aka... the drug dealer and picked up my 5 precious tablets of 50 mg clomid and the trigger shot. I knew that the trigger was going to be an intra muscular shot but I did not realize how big the needle was going to be. I just hope that G is up to the task because I don't know how I'm going to stick that in my own bum! I have already taken all my clomid, it was for cycle days 5 - 9 and I am on cycle day 11 today. I will go in for a dildo cam date again on Tuesday the 5th of September, which will be on cycle day 13. The clomid was not my friend at all, the side effects were not nice. I had terrible back pains every day that I took it (the clomid makes the endo worse) and I was extremely emotional and I got a migraine. I have not had one of those for about 2 years. My appointment on Tuesday will tell me if the clomid is doing what it is supposed to be doing. It is supposed to help me ovulate by growing some nice sized follies which the dildo cam will see. If I have some nice sized follies then they will tell me when to give myself the trigger are they kidding... I would never stick a needle that size in me... poor G will have to do it. Then 12 hours later I will go in for my first IUI and then in another 24 hours I go in again for my second IUI. So basicly at 12 and 36 hours after my trigger I will have an IUI. Then comes the wait. The dreaded two week wait. The RE's office will do some blood work (a beta) to see if the two IUI's worked. Oh yeah, and the clomid increases my chances of having multiples. I would be thrilled to have twins but G is terrified. I don't think we will have to worry that much though because the normal chance of having twins is something small like 5% and that only increases by another 5% with the clomid. So we are only looking at a 10% chance. If something happens and we cannot make it to the RE's office for the IUI we will switch the cycle over to doing it the old fashioned way (you know I am going to turn back the clock until I am 17 and I am going to get really really drunk and we are going to do it in the back seat of a car!) by having timed sex, timed with the trigger.

...September 5, 06

I went to the baby making dating office this morning. I had 3 follies on the right, 9mm was the biggest and on the left I had 2 follies, one at 9 and one at 11 but since my left tube is blocked they are not counting that. So basically the clomid didn't do anything for me. I will go back again tomorrow morning for additional monitoring but I am not holding my breath.

...September 8, 06

Well, I went back to the RE's office on Wednesday and I found out that it is the Right side that is blocked not the Left and that the size 11 follie had grown to a 12. Then today I went to the RE's office and my follie has shot up to 16 mm. I will go back on Monday and hopefully trigger sometime that day. My only problem is that I have never given myself a shot let alone in the ass! And I'm going to have to do it at work.

...September 18, 06

Quite a bit has happened since I last posted. I received a call from the nurse on the day that I had a follie check with a 16mm follie, my LH levels had already started to surge and they were at a 41. My E2 was at 239 so we bumped everything up. G was able to give me the trigger at 10:30 Saturday night and then we had to drive an hour on Sunday morning (to the only office my RE has open on the weekends) for the first IUI. Poor G had to give his sample in the office. Then we had to go in for the second IUI on Monday morning (G was able to do his thing at home this time!!). I went back to the office that Friday for a projesterone check (4 dpo) and my level was low. The great nurse said that they look for levels over 20 on a medicated cycle and I was only at an 8.9, so they called me to ask my opinion on projesteron supplements. I could not believe that I had the option for the bullet or a pill. I of course went for the pill. I went in again this morning (7 dpo) for a follow up check on projesteron levels and I am still waiting on the call to see if they have improved. The actual IUI procedue was quick and the office has a new table for the procedure. It is contoured and very *cush*. G was able to come in the room with me for the first one. He sat up near my head and held my hand. I thought it was nice for G to at least be in the room if I end up pg. We had really good numbers for post wash of 32 million and 31.2 million. I could *feel* the swimmers being injected. It was like a cool tingley feeling in my uterus, but it did not hurt at all. When the nurse was done she tilted the table so that my hips were propped up and she said she would be back in 20 minutes, and to relax. After she left the room, G told me that this was the room that he was put in to do his thing. He told me that there was a drawer of "supplemental" reading material to help the guys out. Of course I made him get it out for me to look at, after all I had to sit there for 20 minutes with not much to do. At first glance I thought that the porn was brand new since it was in such pristine condition but then I looked at the date on the cover and it was from 2001! I guess not many guys actually look at it. Now I am just trying to keep myself busy until I have my beta this Friday. I have only peed on a couple of hpt's to watch the trigger leave my system. The last one that did was on Saturday (6 days past trigger and 4 dpo) and it took about 5 minutes for a very faint line to show up. I think I will POAS tomorrow and it should be out of my system. If it is then I plan on POAS every day up until Friday to see if I get a BFP. I would rather find out if this worked from the comfort of my own home then to wait for the beta and a nurse to call me. I have meetings up the butt this week at work so that will keep me a little busy and a girl that I work with has her 21st (boy do I feel old) birthday on Wednesday that I am planning a little something for.

...September 21, 06

I peed on another stick at 8 dpo (10 dp trigger), this was after only holding it for an hour and 15 minutes and I got a very positive result. It was quite a bit darker than the last one I did at 4 dpo, which was FMU (first morning urine, for those of you who do not know). This also happened to be the last test I had in my house so I promptly went out and bought more. I got a three pack of FRER and decided that I would pee on one each morning up to and including the day of my beta (which happens to be tomorrow!). My test from yesterday at 9 dpo was about the same as on 8 dpo but this morning's test was darker! I really think the IUI might have worked for us. Today I am 10 dpo and 12 dp trigger. I don't know if I have heard of anyone with trigger still in their system after 12 days. I don't know what to do with myself. I think time has slowed down so much that it has started to reverse. I get my beta at 7:00 am tomorrow and I cannot concentrate at work and I really want to leave.

...September 22, 06

Beta -- 152, Progesterone -- 19.1

...October 11,06

I have not posted in a couple of weeks but I have lots to update on. I am pregnant! Here is a list of my betas and progesterone levels: 11dpo~ beta, 152 ~ P4, 19.1 14dpo~beta, 494 ~P4, 14 ~ doubling time 42.34 hours 16dpo~ beta, 977 ~ P4, 12 ~ doubling time 48.79 hours (start PIO for P4 levels) 18dpo~ beta, 2300 ~ P4, 22 ~ doubling time 38.86 hours 21dpo~ beta > 5000 ~ P4, 54.8 I had my first ultra sound very early at 4weeks4days (4w4d), and my second was at 5w4d and my third, the one that showed us that amazing heart beat was today at 6w2d. The heart rate was 126 beats per min. The baby is a huge 8mm or 0.32 inches now.

One Year: September 22 to September 22 - Part 2

This post will consist of entries from my journal about my time seeing an RE...

...June 8, 06

I am counting down the days until I have my appointment with the RE. As of today I have 20 days. The appointment is on June 28th. I have extreamly high expectations for this RE so he better come out on top. I am nervous though, I fear that after this initial visit (which I believe includes lots of bloodwork, an internal ultrasound, and a general exam) the RE will want me to have a lap first thing. I'm not scared of surgery but I hate the feeling of the IV fluid dripping in my veins. It's cold. It feels as if someone is taking ice and slowly running it up the inside of my veins, ultimatly wrapping it around the pit of my stomach. Not that it makes me cold, it is more of a creepy feeling with waves of nausea coursing through me; all from the cold IV fluid dripping. The oxygen mask that they put on you doesn't help. Along with the cold running through my veins I get blasted with air that is just not natural; it is not natural to have pure O2 forced on you.

...June 20, 06

Today I felt the need to play hookie from work. I am getting somewhat stressed thinking about my first visit to the RE (the countdown continues and I only have 8 days) so I took a day off work to have time for me. I have been doing lots of yard work lately so I took pictures of my efforts. This pink lilly is almost as tall as me. I stand about 5'3" and if I stand next to the flower they are at eye level. So I'm guessing about 5' tall. Back to the baby making. I am currently on cycle day 88. I am not ovulating and I am gaining weight like a sumo wresler. In the last 88 days I have put on about 25 pounds. That is with watching what I eat and G and I going out and buying bikes (and riding them quite a bit I might add), plus we have a membership to the gym that we use a couple times a week. The only thing that I can think of is PCOS. If I have this it would account for the weight gain with a really hard time losing it. It would also account for the hairs that have just recently sprouted on my upper lip that I have to pluck every other day. I'm not positive but I think that the RE will be able to tell without too much hassle. I am already getting the internal ulta sound (or going for a ride on the dildo cam) and blood work when I go and I think they will be able to tell from those two things. Ok, time for more fruits of my labor. I have no idea what this flower is. I know that you can eat it because the man at the nursery told me so. He said many people have them in their herb gardens. I got it because it was interesting and it drapes over the edge of the planter box. I am still not brave enough to pull one off and eat it.

...June 25, 06

Seeing an RE reminds me of a dating service for sperm and eggs. You go in both are evaluated and then you try to match them up. You try different combinations and when you get a match is when you end up with a baby.

...August 4, 06

On Wed. we met with the RE and he told us all of our options. Right now I have only one good tube and I am not O'ing. Plus the endo is getting worse (possible cause for the blocked tube). We can:

1) take clomid w/ trigger and a double IUI. To do this I will have to take provera again to make AF come for a visit. If I start provera on mon. I will probable get AF around the 19 th of Aug. I would have baseline u/s on Mon. the 21st. and take the clomid from cd 5-9. Then I would have another u/s approx on the 31st. Then the trigger shot maybe on Sept. 1st. I would get an IUI 12 hrs and 36 hrs from the trigger so sept 2nd and 3rd. Then I would have to wait 14 days for the beta so approx the 17th of September I would find out if the IUI worked or not. ---- I do have to consider that if I end up O'ing on the wrong side then they will cancel the cycle. (I will explain below why this would be bad)

or 2)I can have a lap done. They would give me provera again starting on monday the 7th and I would get AF approx on the 19th. The RE would do the surgery on a Friday so the 25th of Aug. I would spend the rest of cycle healing so that brings us to mid Sept. (If I choose this option I will not be able to "try" for 6 months)

Ok, here is the reason I am having a hard time deciding. DH finally got a call from the IRS. They are done with his background investigation and they have scheduled him for his medical evaluation this coming wed. This is the last thing that they need to do before his training is scheduled. So we are guessing that training will begin in October since this was mentioned in previous documents sent to us. DH's training is 6 months out of state. Do I take one chance on clomid and IUI's or surgery and no chances of trying? I know that the first 6 - 12 months after surgery to clean up endo is the best time to get pg. If I do the clomid now and then he goes off to training I could have the surgery a couple of months before he comes home and then we could "try" with a clean slate. But there is a HUGE possibility that as soon as he comes home from training we will be relocated and I would have to find a new RE.

Oh, I am soo confused. I really need opinions of others because I keep crying trying to decide what to do. Maybe I am missing something because I am soo emotional.

One Year: September 22nd to September 22nd - Part 1

One year ago on September 22nd I found out I was pregnant. Wow what a journey I have had. I now have a 4 month old son, who is the sweetest baby. He lights up my every moment.

Let me bring you up-to-date...

...I have a history of endometreosis. My doctors had me on birth control pills since I was 15 to help with the cramps each month; the cramps that make me throw up, pass out and have me curled up on the floor in pain. No amount of pain killers would help, even the heavy duty narcotics. For a long time I just thought I had low pain tolerance, but then I broke a rib. I broke a rib and it did not hurt anywhere near the pain I feel each month with cramps. It was a little uncomfortable and did not feel great if I had to cough but there was no pain. At this point I realized that the cramps were not normal and that I actually have a high pain tolerance, and if I have such a high pain tolerance and my cramps were so excrusiating that I ended up on the floor, drugged up with pain meds and throwing up; then I needed to go to the doctor.

I know that many women have trouble finding a doctor to believe that there is a problem and then taking the appropriate steps to correct it. I got lucky and the first doctor that I went to helpd me. For the endo I have had two laps (one in June of '99 and one in February '01) to determine the severity and remove any cysts, adhesions, and scar tissue. Both times it was between stage III and IV. To help control the endo I was put on Lupron after each surgery. The Lupron treatment lasted for 6 months each time. The Lupron puts your body into chemically induced menopause to prevent the endo from growing back after the surgery.

I hated the Lupron almost as much as I hated the endo. I had hot flashes and mood swings and I started to lose my hair. I fell into a bad depression and I began to gain weight. I ended up on meds to control the depression, and then meds for the side effects, and then more meds for the side effect's side effects.

I started weaning myself of the handfulls of drugs that I was taking. By Jan. of 2005 I was down to birth control pills and the anti depressant. I cut the anti depressant dosage in half and then quit completely. I took a week off of work and slept through the withdrawl symptoms.
Finally in Dec. 2005 G and I decided the time was good to begin trying. I went to the doctor for a pre conception check up. The doctor stressed that with my history I should only try on my own for 6 months before coming back to the doctor. I finished the pack of pills that I was currently taking at the very end of Dec.

G and I started trying in Jan. of 2006. I knew from all my problems that I was going to have trouble so I went all gung ho from the get go. I began charting and recording every type of data gathered from by body imaginable. I wanted to time everything as well as I could and I wanted to learn as much about my body and how I cycle as I could. I did not know how many periods I was willing to go through without the cushion of meds to help with the pain.